something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
