Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
