He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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