He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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