He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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