Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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