Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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