What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
