Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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