:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can I color on your dick again?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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