she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
