Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
