I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
