he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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