Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
