He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
