That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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