He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
