My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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