WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
