there's paper in my vomit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
