How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
