Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
