Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
