I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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