I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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