the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
