I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize