He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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