just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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