He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
