i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
