fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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