There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
