you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
