I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize