I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
