my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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