Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
