"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
