Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
