idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
