Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
someone get that fucking seahorse.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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