She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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