It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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