There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
