we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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