We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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