It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
