Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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