Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
