he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
