I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Randomize
