Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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