I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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