Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
