Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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