My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
