...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
