What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize