So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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