Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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