An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
