i think my mom watched the whole time
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
