You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
