After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
