i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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