Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
