listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
